Why Anger Can Be So Destructive In a Relationship

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Getting angry is normal in every person, but when it’s handled inappropriately, you can hurt not just yourself, but also the people that you love. It can lead to self-harm, arguments, assault, physical abuse, and fights when it becomes uncontrolled. Anger management is needed when anger becomes uncontrollable and destructive.

In a relationship, dealing with your emotions, especially anger, can make it or break it. Anger is also a normal part of every relationship, so you should express it in a healthy way to avoid any problems in your relationship. So before dealing with anger, you have to know where your anger or your partner’s is coming from, its effects, and how to resolve it.

Here are some of the reasons why anger can destroy you and your relationship with others:

  1. Causes resentment

While most people would normally show their feelings and lash out when they are angry, there are some who keep their anger bottled up, which can be very destructive in a relationship. Keeping your feelings inside you can build up resentment, which will make you or your partner become cold or distant.

If you’re trying to avoid any conflict or fights, and you think bottling up your feelings up can resolve the problem, think again. Yes, it may resolve a couple of conflicts at first, but in the end, it can cause a huge damage to your relationship. You might fight or do physical harm when the time comes that you couldn’t contain your anger anymore.

Don’t keep it to yourself and express what you’re feeling when there’s conflict. If you think your partner is keeping some negative feelings inside of them, ask them as well. It’s better to let it out than to keep it in.

  1. Creates distrust and fear

If you’re angry and you yell at someone and say hurtful things to them, they will feel scared and will be distant to you, especially if this has happened many times. For example, your partner did something that you didn’t like and you got very angry. You lashed out at them, and you didn’t even give them the chance to explain their side of the story. As a consequence, they will be hurt and become afraid.

They will, in turn, distance themselves from you, and will refuse to talk to you if there are any problems or if they’ve done something wrong because they will think you will be angry again. They will hide everything from you because they don’t trust you anymore.

If you think that you can’t control your anger during arguments, take a deep breath, meditate, and clear your mind first before talking to your partner. Always talk with a calm mind and understand their explanation when both of you are talking, so everything will be resolved.

  1. Causes tension

Blaming others when you’re angry can be hurtful to other people. Anger can cause you to jump to conclusions, as well as cause tension in your relationship, especially if you or your partner need to take sides, which can be a big problem. If you’re angry or if your partner is angry, it is better to not talk to each other until the tension is gone to avoid more conflict and problems.

How to deal with your anger

If you don’t know how to manage your anger, here are some ways on how you can deal with it:

  • Explore where your anger is really coming from. If you are stressed, lacking sleep, or have experienced traumatic events in your past, it might be the cause of your uncontrolled anger. Evaluate yourself and take a look at what really triggers you to be angry.
  • Are you breathing faster than normal, or clenching your jaw or hands when you’re starting to get angry? Paying attention to these physical warnings and signs that you’re starting to get triggered can be a step in managing your anger. Avoid people or places that cause you to become irritable, which might trigger your anger.
  • Learn ways to cool your head, such as meditation, taking deep breaths, massaging or stretching the areas where you feel tension, exercising regularly, and listening to music that can help calm your mind. Give yourself a reality check and think about whether it’s really worth it to be angry.


Anger, if not controlled, can hurt the people around you and ruin the relationship you have with them. They will feel fear and will lose their trust in you if you don’t deal with your anger in a positive way. Getting angry will likely cause more harm and pain instead of resolving issues, so keep your anger in check in order to maintain a healthy relationship with your partner.

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Latest update: April 17, 2019
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