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It isn’t unusual for a child, especially one under three years old, to have a tantrum and shout at her mother. Unfortunately, it has also become common for mothers to try appeasement to stop the shouting. This sets a bad precedent that will establish a pattern of behavior for the child.

Respect

You can look around your area and see the results of appeasing a shouting child. When children who have gotten away with shouting at their mothers get older, they learn to disrespect not only their mothers but also any adult. That disrespect extends to the property of others as well. Such children don’t have respect for anyone, not even themselves. Their parents made the mistake of appeasing them thinking it would make them happy but these are not happy children.

If your daughter is a toddler and is shouting at you, she may be upset or angry and not know why. It may be tempting to give her something to get the shouting to stop but this will eventually cause her to think the way to get what she wants or get her way is to shout at you. Once this starts, it is hard to stop. It is best not to let it start.

When the shouting begins …

When the shouting begins, let your daughter know that it is not acceptable and you won’t listen until she can speak calmly. Then continue what you were doing when it started. It will not be easy. You may get frustrated and irritated because of the noise but don’t give in. She will eventually stop and calmly try to express herself. Be consistent and do this every time, even if you are in public. It will be tempting to try to pacify her to avoid embarrassment but don’t give in to the temptation even if others seem to think you are being uncaring. You aren’t. Doing what you are doing is the most caring thing you can do as it is teaching your daughter that unacceptable behavior is not to be rewarded.

Calmly let her know …

If your daughter is older and has used shouting as a way to get what she wants successfully, it is not too late to teach her otherwise. It will be harder and could take longer but it can work if you are consistent. Now, though, she has a better understanding of what she is doing and why. That can work in your favor when you let her know that it will no longer be tolerated. When she starts shouting at you, calmly let her know you will not listen to her until she can speak civilly to you.

Then listen attentively …

No matter what age your daughter is, once she stops shouting at you and approaches you calmly, listen attentively. She will learn that when she shouts at you, you do not listen but when she speaks calmly and rationally, you give her your undivided attention. After a while, she will stop shouting at you and you will have a better relationship with her. Occasionally, she may try shouting to get her way but when it doesn’t work, she will give up on it. She will grow to be a woman who respects others and herself.

More on: Parenting
Latest update: August 9, 2016