Watching your marriage disintegrate is one of the hardest experiences life has to offer. It can influence the future relationships of each and every member of the family; it can create lasting conflict and impact health. Being mindful about your divorce, understanding it, accepting it and helping those around you to do the same, is an invaluable tool to ensure everyone moves on.
At times of change, when everything you know now is in flux, the mind’s tendency to focus and worry about what might happen and what might be can be detrimental. Yes, you will need to think carefully about the future, about how you are going to restructure your life now, but don’t do so at the risk of the present. Mindfulness is a great tool for gaining perspective, for quieting the rush and clamor of all the thoughts in your head.
Take a moment to be still and calm, close your eyes and focus on all the thoughts that are overwhelming you. Don’t stop to judge them, just acknowledge them, accept them and release them. Once your mind is quiet and calm, repeat an affirmation, something that makes you feel secure and safe and in control. Louise Hay’s lovely, ‘I honor the love more than the loss’ is an excellent choice. You may prefer ‘I am strong, capable and loved’ or ‘Everything is happening as it should’, whichever offers you the most comfort and perspective on your situation.
During this time, it is also important to be mindful of those around you. There are always more than two people involved in a divorce, and it can be difficult offering others support when it is your marriage that is ending. Make sure you are there for those around you, give them your undivided attention, listen to what they are saying, understand how they are feeling. Don’t judge them for their thoughts and feelings, accept them, love them and avoid over analyzing any one conversation. Focus on being in the moment, on accepting the feelings of everyone around you without judgment and don’t be afraid to ask for help. You are never alone.
Image Source: Leland Francisco