Is My Love Healthy or Unhealthy – What is Love?
When you first feel the effects of what you think is love, you feel lighter than air. Nothing makes us feel as good as new love. You feel on top of the world and better about yourself as a person. Nothing tops the feeling of being loved and loving. When your significant other shows you love, it’s almost contagious in nature. You feel happier and more joyous than ever. Yet, as the relationship ages and time passes, some relationships turn out to be a bit less than loving and some even end up being unhealthy.
As times goes by, those feelings of euphoria will fade as they always do. What you’re left with after that is more the truth. Are you left with something that is lasting or left with something abusive? How is it that love differs so much from couple to couple; person to person?
The word love is tossed around quite a bit. Often times it’s used carelessly. It also has quite a few different meanings, as you probably already know and may have experienced. Let’s take a look at some of the “versions” of love that men and women both have experienced.
Romantic Love is something that rarely lasts past a certain point in the relationship. It’s based on an aspect of fantasy. This is often the beginning of new love. You know the feeling and the thoughts that go with it. He or she does no wrong. You are the luckiest person in the world and nothing will come between you. This is where we have to ask ourselves if your romantic love has any reality to it at all. Often times, it’s infatuation and rarely holds up to the test of time. If it does withstand time, this is what we call “seasoned love”.
Seasoned love is something that is filled with caring respect. It’s trust and empathy for each other. When you respect each other, it means that differences are respected as well as individuality and you work your conflicts out. Your love will grow deeper, richer, and stronger.
Now we come to something that is called “addictive love”. This can be fairly dangerous at the worst times and chaotic at the best of them. There certainly may be times when your significant other is the most charming person in the world, yet most of the time, your relationship is beyond stressed. If you need them to feel complete, but you no longer feel good about who you are, this is unhealthy. When the infatuation wears off and you’re “love” is deep rooted by the need that you have for that person, that is when you start to live in what may be considered a nightmare. You hate the way that you’re treated and how you feel about yourself. Your partner may treat you horribly, but you keep saying to yourself that you can’t leave them.
Addicted love knows very little logic and what logic does find its way to you will be overruled by your excuses. You feel as if you cannot live without them. Through it all, your desperation to have that person in your life has you overruling the logic of the real situation. This type of behavior can become incredibly traumatic and sometimes even violent.
What can you do?
The very first thing that you have to do is look at your relationship for what it is. Addictive. When you can admit this to yourself, it’s going to be a very big step for you. You’ll need to conquer your fear of being without that person before you even decide to extract yourself from the situation. Otherwise, you will likely end up going straight back to them. You must begin to love and trust yourself again and know that no matter what, you’re going to be better for removing the ability for another person to control you.
Once you’ve managed to remove yourself from the life of violent low’s and the fear of losing that person, you may want to consider seeing a therapist if you feel the need to go back. You also may need to see one to go forward as well. You don’t want to fall into another relationship like the one that you suffered through. Once you’ve healed, give it time and you may find a loving healthy relationship down the road.